When The Soul is Inconsolable
The Rope Back to Hope
“I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah”
This is not the blog I had planned for today but maybe someone out there needs to read it. There are times when the heart is so full of sorrows that nothing seems to comfort us. Even thinking of God or reading the bible becomes painful as we wonder: does he still care about me? Is he punishing me for my sin? How could he allow this to happen? It seems we have forgotten the Gospel. So, how do we get out of this pit? How do we remember the gospel again? How do we help friends who are experiencing this?
It Was a Cold Saturday Night...
“Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.”
The rain was pouring, as were my tears. I was crying my eyes out for the nth time about the same thing. I was sinking deep into my thoughts, ruminating on conversations, and re-visualizing body languages. Please, make them stop. These thoughts are torturing me. The devil is having a blast accusing me and bringing to the surface all my insecurities and fears. ‘Lord, where are you? Do you see me? Do you hear me? What am I not learning that you are putting me through this again?’
I tried listening to worship music or to the Bible but my soul refused to be comforted. Like vinegar on soda, every word or note was a reminder that joy had left me, that my trust in God’s goodness was on shaky grounds. I wanted to call a friend but what would I say that they hadn't already heard? To be honest, I dreaded saying certain words out loud. Words have a way of exposing the heart; it would have felt like removing my jacket on a cold night. ‘Let me cry alone for a while’, I thought. I fell asleep but my mind replayed a strange and nightmarish version of the events. I woke up in the middle of the night and cried out: 'Please Lord comfort me. My heart is about to burst from sorrow’.
Joy Comes in the Morning
Monday morning came. I got up and tried listening to the bible again. That's all I had the strength to do. My heart was more receptive. I cried again but this time, tears of hope. I knew God heard me, saw me, and loved me. I remembered the cross. I said in my heart: ‘I will not hold bitterness but I will entrust myself completely to God’ (a). 'It is a gracious thing in the sight of my Father to keep doing good while suffering' (b). All his words came back to my heart, resounding, good, true, comforting, strengthening. And the fog started to lift. I am still in pain but I now remember that I belong to Jesus. All is well with me. I cannot explain what happened in my heart between Saturday and Monday. Somehow, as I was crying out to God, the Holy Spirit was slowly bringing me out of the shadows. I did not feel it happening, but it was.
Lament Oh My Soul
Many of us know all too well what Proverbs 25:20 means. We have experienced it. For some of you, the dark nights lasted for weeks or months at a time. Intense periods of pain. If I wrote a Psalm on that day, it would very much sound like Psalm 88, lament with no appearance of hope. Sometimes, our soul just refuses to be comforted and there is nothing else to do but hurt. It’s ugly, raw, weakening, sickening. We have to sit with it and feel it. It’s as if when our hearts are overwhelmed with turmoil, we need to let some of it out before the fog can start to lift, before our teary eyes can start to see Jesus again. Remember Job? God let Job lament and grieve for a good while before showing himself.
Friend, don't fear or be dismayed if this happened or is happening to you. Don't feel ashamed to be overwhelmed with sadness. Don't feel it is wrong to ask honest questions to your Father. In the same way, if someone is in pain, being a good friend may be simply sitting with them and listening. If they don't respond to your encouragement, remember the wisdom of Proverbs 25:20 and just hold them. I should have called my friends. They would have done just that.
The Rope Back to Hope
Just remember in these moments, to never ever stop lifting your heart, emotions, and pain to God! This is the constant in all laments in the bible, from Job to David to the Teacher of Ecclesiastes. As we cry out to him, he somehow recalibrates our spiritual compass. If despair is the pit we find ourselves in, every cry to God is like climbing the rope that leads back to hope, one inch at a time. Your Father is listening and counting all your tears. His heart is more compassionate than any of us can fathom. There's a reason he is leaving you, his beloved child - for whom he did not spare his own son (c), in dust and ashes right now. Just wait on him.
Wait for his comfort. It will surely come. It can come through a bible passage, a word from a friend, or a memory of God’s faithfulness. His comfort is often not the sudden 'fixing' of a circumstance. It's believing again that he is near. It's believing the Gospel again. It’s believing that his promises are true. It's having the courage to face pain and the future because we believe again that he holds it all in His sovereign hands.
NOTES & SCRIPTURE REFERENCES
All scripture references are from the English Standard Version (ESV)
(a) 1 Peter 2:21-24: “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.”.
(b) 1 Peter 2:20-21: “But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps”.
(c) Romans 8:32: “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”.
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