The Beauty of Weakness
The Self-Control of Letting God Take Control
Lately, the Lord has been teaching me the self-control of letting him take control. It is the spiritual exercise he has me do day after day, hour after hour, thought after thought. I am learning how to slow down and wait on the Lord. I am learning the difference between seizing an opportunity that the Lord presents and frantically trying to make things happen on my own. I am learning what it means to follow the Lord’s guidance step by step even if I cannot see the end. This discipline involves constant prayer throughout the day, practicing discerning what is pleasing to the Lord, and slowing down to reconsider my actions and thoughts, especially whether I am acting or reacting out of fear. It is hard.
The Delusion of Having Control
In the face of fear, anxiety, or uncertainty, our default must be to go to the Lord in Prayer and soak in the Word (Philippians 4:6-7). Wisdom also calls us to diligently and vigilantly watch our steps to avoid temptation (1 Peter 5:6-9); but I realized that a lot of my being diligent and proactive was motivated by the comfort that I got from doing something. I felt like I had some control over the situation, which was comforting. This is a delusion of course. God only is in control, and it is good news. In the tapestry of God’s plan, I can only see a single thread, if that. I don’t want to be in control.
The Sobering ‘Thorn in the Flesh’
There are however situations where the illusion of having control is removed. This is when, for example, there is nothing one can do to avoid the thing or person that triggers the anxiety, or when the anxiety is not simply circumstantial but chemical, or when one is subjected to constant physical hardships. In these cases, the thorn in the flesh is constantly felt regardless of what we do; we feel utterly helpless and weak.
The Beauty of Weakness
I believe experiencing this level of weakness is a grace of God. When all illusion of control is stripped away, one has clear eyes to see God working, a heart that longs for God’s deliverance like a parched land longs for water, and feet that haste to go the way God directs. This is when God's grace, power, and strength shine all the more.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10, ESV)
The Glory of God in Our Weakness
One day while driving back from church, I realized the changes that had occurred in my heart. I realized that God had been answering my prayers; and I could not attribute the growth to anything that I had done because I could not do anything about the situation, much less about changing my heart. I was in awe at the grace and power of God. He was gently uprooting fears and anxiety from my heart, teaching me about Him and myself in the process. It has been and is still a slow progress and only now am I noticing the cumulative growth. It is beautiful to realize one’s helplessness and weakness before the Lord. This is when we are strongest. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Amen.
