Am I In The Place of God?
The Intentional God & Freedom From Unforgiveness (Part I)
Struggling To Forgive
If you have ever struggled for a long time to forgive someone, you can relate to the discouragement I felt when I read:
“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11: 25)
I was well aware of the sin in my heart. For the past couple of years, I prayed, fasted, and sought counsel but nothing seemed to ‘work’. I wanted the bitterness, the grudge, and hurt to be gone for good but it seemed as though I was going one step forward and five backward.
How do I know if I am making progress? Is the fact that I am still hurting proof that I have not forgiven? Is confrontation necessary? In my case, yes, an honest conversation was necessary; but 9 months later, finally free from unforgiveness, I can testify that freedom came primarily from seeing and savoring the Intentionality of God. Let me explain.
Am I In The Place of God?
A few months ago, my book club finished a bible study on Genesis by Jen Wilkin. I remembered the interaction between Joseph and his brothers in Genesis 50. It was especially remarkable to me.
Genesis 49 ends with Jacob's (Joseph’s father) death. In Genesis 50, after Jacob’s burial, Joseph’s brothers are now worried that he would ‘hate [them] and pay [them] back for all the evil that [they] did to him.” (Genesis 50:15. See also Genesis 37:25-28). They heartily plead for his forgiveness (Genesis 50:16-18). An emotional and compassionate Joseph answers:
“Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.” (Genesis 50:19-21)
“am I in the place of God? … God meant it for good … So do not fear”. I was blown away. Staring at these sentences, I was already starting to taste the sweet fruit of forgiveness. God’s intentionality is all over the story of Joseph. Joseph saw it, delighted in it, took hold of it, and found comfort in it. This is the reason he was able to truly forgive his brothers and bless them.
God Meant It For Good
The main reason why forgiving was so hard for me is that I believed that I had been unnecessarily, neglectfully, and unjustly wronged. I believed that Ash (pseudonym) intentionally caused all this hurt to me, a fellow Christian.
Of course, the scriptures are clear that each of us is responsible for our sins against others. As those forgiven and loved through Christ, believers are called to love each other. This involves watching carefully how we behave towards one another. So, neglectfully, intentionally, and unjustly wronged? Maybe (I am still not sure). Unnecessarily? Never.
Joseph’s statement in Genesis 50:19-20 landed on me like never before. Joseph is claiming that Sovereign God willed his woes to happen. His brothers were unknowingly executing the Will of God, which was to preserve the lives of many. In the context of the whole bible, God was fulfilling his promise to redeem humanity through a descendant of David, Jesus the Christ. The preservation of the people of Israel through Joseph’s enslavement in Egypt was part of this plan.
“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!’”(Romans 11:33)
One question remains: How did Joseph’s story help me to obey Mark 11:25 and how can it help you too?
Stay tuned for Part II.
